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Funmuke's Epic Phone Rant That No One Asked For

  1. funmunke
    Marshmallow Mar 29, 2021

    funmunke , Mar 29, 2021 :
    Yes, I've snapped! I'm getting my grumpy butt up on a soap box to throw every phone maker under the bus. Why? Because I tried to figure out who the best phone maker was, and it made me sad.

    Who is the best phone maker? No one, and there are many reasons for that. This hasn’t always been the case either, but right now the crown is up for grabs, but everyone keeps refusing to claim it.

    APPLE

    There is a strong argument that Apple is the best. I will admit, right now, they are the closest, but they’ve done a lot of things to alienate users over the years. They systematically killed off the head phone jack, refused to adapt a standard port format, scoffed at expandable storage, and fleeced people by charging as much as they possibly could. For everything they do well, it seems like they do something really crappy.

    SAMSUNG

    If Samsung could find a way to extract their head from their own rectum, they could claim the crown. They been cowed into following Apples aggressive moves in eliminating things people liked and used and charging far too much for their best phones. However, they could still claim the crown, even with those considerations. What’s really holding them back is their desire to be Apple in every way. This has led them to try and create their own ecosystem, while not having the balls to break free from Android. This is hamstringing them and has resulted in a stream of mediocre apps that you can’t remove, and the god awful Bixby. If you don’t want to be Android, then move on.

    LG

    At this time LG phones are dead. The V60 was last flagship. They’ve halted future releases. Their hardware was good, but uninspired. Their software was horrible. They tried to be Samsung, but didn’t have the markets share or loyalty to pull it off. Their cameras were also lacking, never matching what Apple or Samsung could do.

    HUAWEI

    A few years ago, Huawei was so close to claiming the crown. They were a few features away. Their software wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible, their hardware was excellent, and their cameras were the best. Today they are stuck trying to run their own OS after being blocked from using Android. Maybe they’ll turn that into a legit third option, but it’s unlikely they’ll ever be able to make a dent in the Western market.

    OnePlus

    OnePlus had their crown in their sights. They then stopped and started punching themselves in the face. The two biggest issues are innovation and price. Innovation has always been a weak spot. What you see is what someone else designed. Time and again, OnePlus phones have been clones with different software. That was okay for a long time, since they were an excellent value. Today they are not an excellent value. They are an average value, the same as any other flagship. There isn’t enough separation from their competitors, to draw new users. It really feels like they have plateaued.

    Motorola

    Ah, Motorola, some of the best software, decent hardware, terrible support, and moldy turds when it comes to cameras. The support is the biggest shocker here. When your software is so close to being stock Android that it’s sometimes difficult to spot the differences, updates should be often and fast. Updates are neither often or fast. Sometimes they don’t even exist. At this point, I don’t think Motorola will ever be able to take the crown. They’ve had plenty of time and have done nothing to improve.

    Sony

    So, lets me a good phone, with good hardware, but then take stock Android and add small, annoying tweaks. Then let’s have solid cameras, but ruin them with terrible processing and awful camera apps. On top of that, let’s charge a foolish amount of money for the phone. We need to make sure that no one buys our phones, so we lose massive amounts of money on a regular basis. I swear that was an actual discussion in the boardroom at Sony. Nothing else can explain what Sony has done over the years.

    Microsoft

    “Hey, what’s the smartest thing we could do if we decide to abandon our phone OS? Umm…have a clean version of Android? Great! Now how can we make sure we utterly fail in that regard? Umm…make a ridiculous phone that no one in their right mind would buy, and then charge way too much for it? PERFECT!!! Let’s do it!” Do I need to say more?

    Google

    Google should be the rival to Apple. When you have the keys to the kingdom, in your hands, it should be a slam dunk. All you have to do is not be stupid. The only person Google can blame for being a failure, when it comes to making phones, is themselves. Let me put it this way, if you took a OnePlus phone, put stock Android on it, added Samsung’s S21 Ultra camera system, added a headphone jack and micro SD card back in, add LGs quad DAC, Motorola’s gestures, and priced it just under Apple, the game would be over. Google’s software runs all of those things, yet they keep releasing phones that make you sigh in disappointment.

    At this point we are stuck looking at what is most important to us, instead of what we want, when we buy a phone. No one is upping the bar anymore. Sometimes a gimmick pops up (folding screens, dual screens and so on) but they often are limited in usefulness or come in packages missing vital components (yeah, I’m looking at you Motorola).

    For the first time that I can remember, I would like to buy a new phone, but see nothing in the market that is tempting. The 9 Pro is too expensive, the S21 Ultra has horrific software, and I can’t bring myself to change ecosystems, especially when the price is so high.

    Now feel free to rip me a new one and tell me shut my fat beer hole.
     

    #1
  2. Arjun_Choudhry
    KitKat Mar 29, 2021

    Arjun_Choudhry , Mar 29, 2021 :
    This is exactly what has been going on in my head for the past couple of days, especially since the 9 Pro launch! Exceptionally well written and put forward. Kudos :)
     

    #2
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 5 others like this.
  3. sfomin
    Nougat Mar 29, 2021


    #3
    the_o2, B_Wrath, Dresa91 and 3 others like this.
  4. Mr. BG
    Community Hero 2020 Mar 29, 2021

    Mr. BG , Mar 29, 2021 :
    Can I simply agree?
     

    #4
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 6 others like this.
  5. Arjun_Choudhry
    KitKat Mar 29, 2021

    Arjun_Choudhry , Mar 29, 2021 :
    If only they trimmed out their software and made everything a little more streamlined (yes, I know OneUI is not TouchWiz, but it's still nowhere near stock or minimalistic)
     

    #5
    KaranRIyer, B_Wrath, Dresa91 and 3 others like this.
  6. Mr. BG
    Community Hero 2020 Mar 29, 2021

    Mr. BG , Mar 29, 2021 :
    Your on repeat Pete :rolleyes:

    You sure about that?
     

    #6
    KaranRIyer, B_Wrath, Dresa91 and 3 others like this.
  7. funmunke
    Marshmallow Mar 29, 2021


    #7
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 6 others like this.
  8. sfomin
    Nougat Mar 29, 2021

    sfomin , Mar 29, 2021 :
    but its still king :cool:

    and @Carl is still left on read :rolleyes:
     

    #8
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 3 others like this.
  9. Dresa91
    User of the Year 2016; Most Active User 2020 Mar 29, 2021

    Dresa91 , Mar 29, 2021 :
    upload_2021-3-29_22-0-42.gif
     

    #9
  10. Arjun_Choudhry
    KitKat Mar 29, 2021

    Arjun_Choudhry , Mar 29, 2021 :
    Pretty sure ;)
    The TouchWiz of the old scared the crap out of me. It literally took 10 seconds on the S5 for WhatsApp to open properly, after just a year of usage.
    I'd say FunTouchOS (or whatever crap Vivo calls their OS) is more in line with TouchWiz than OneUI ever was
     

    #10
    Dresa91 and funmunke like this.

  11. #11
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 6 others like this.
  12. funmunke
    Marshmallow Mar 29, 2021

    funmunke , Mar 29, 2021 :
    I wouldn't open the window above your rose bush.
     

    #12
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 4 others like this.
  13. Dresa91
    User of the Year 2016; Most Active User 2020 Mar 29, 2021


    #12
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 2 others like this.
  14. Moin2200
    KitKat Mar 29, 2021

    Moin2200 , Mar 29, 2021 :
    I agree in a lot of these points, its funny to see Samsung going forward and trying to fix the issues that had held them back such as touchwiz, slow phones, high prices and bad software support.
    They have managed to deal with a lot of these things and just needs the right push to be apples equal when it comes to eco system. Because lets be honest, most people have Samsung phones when it comes to Android.

    Meanwhile Oneplus are doing weird things that just seems to fall short compared to the competition and hopefully they can stop punching themselves in the face and try something else.
     

    #13
  15. funmunke
    Marshmallow Mar 29, 2021

    funmunke , Mar 29, 2021 :
    The only thing really keeping me away from Samsung are their slew of apps that I can't easily get rid of and Bixby that I can't replace without 3rd party software.
     

    #14
  16. Arjun_Choudhry
    KitKat Mar 29, 2021

    Arjun_Choudhry , Mar 29, 2021 :
    Exactly! :)
     

    #15
    KaranRIyer, Dresa91 and funmunke like this.
  17. Moin2200
    KitKat Mar 29, 2021

    Moin2200 , Mar 29, 2021 :
    That's a fair criticism, as someone who has used oneplus since the one and bought every model so far that has been released. I was super surprised to try the s21 plus and find out I actually really liked it, to the point where I could use it for the next year or so with no issues.

    But for now I'm going to try the new 9 pro and see if Oneplus can keep me hooked, if the 9 pro turns out to be a dud its back to the s21 for me.
     

    #16
    KaranRIyer, sfomin, SoniaB and 3 others like this.
  18. funmunke
    Marshmallow Mar 29, 2021

    funmunke , Mar 29, 2021 :
    OnePlus isn't innocent there either. The gallery and messages apps have always bothered me. I could never understand why, unless the goal was to collect your data.
     

    #17
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, sfomin and 3 others like this.
  19. funmunke
    Marshmallow Mar 29, 2021

    funmunke , Mar 29, 2021 :
    I actually just found a s21 Ultra on Amazon for 899. After some credit I had it came out under 800. That's worth a try. :D
     

    #18
    KaranRIyer, sfomin, Mr. BG and 3 others like this.
  20. Moin2200
    KitKat Mar 29, 2021

    Moin2200 , Mar 29, 2021 :
    That's a super sweet deal. Take it from a hardcore oneplus user you will be generally surprised how much it does right, and may I suggest to get Hex installer app right away if you do take a chance. Best way to theme the phone even making the icons on the status bar look stock.
     

    #19
  21. script
    Moderator Moderator Mar 29, 2021

    script , Mar 29, 2021 :
    Who is funmuke? Dukenukem's little brother?

    Shall I edit the title?

    Besides that, agreed. Butt, I really like the 9 Pro
     

    #20
    KaranRIyer, the_o2, B_Wrath and 4 others like this.