Got an invite expiring in 3 hours - best joke in the next 30-60 mins gets it

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  1. djbenny1
    Gingerbread Nov 12, 2014

    djbenny1 , Nov 12, 2014 :
    As title, post a funny joke - the best one in the next 30-60 mins gets it!

    DaPandas likes this.
  2. Starsplash
    Eclair Nov 12, 2014

  3. arielpo
    Froyo Nov 12, 2014

  4. Hugo Tender
    Eclair Nov 12, 2014

  5. wongtam
    Cupcake Nov 12, 2014

    wongtam , Nov 12, 2014 :
    This one is great if you know physics...

    Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
    The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
    Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
    The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
    Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
    The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
    "A cat," Schrödinger replies.
    The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
    Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

    zacisawesome2432001 likes this.
  6. arielpo
    Froyo Nov 12, 2014

    arielpo , Nov 12, 2014 :
    A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

    djbenny1 and zacisawesome2432001 like this.
  7. lisethaens
    Cupcake Nov 12, 2014

  8. Marcanum
    Froyo Nov 12, 2014

    Marcanum , Nov 12, 2014 :
    You might like this one ;-)

    A man walks into a bar and hears piano music. He looks at the piano and can't see anyone sitting there, so he walks over and discovers a foot-tall man standing on the piano bench playing the tune of Dixie-Girl.

    The man thought that this was strange so he goes over to the bartender and asks where the man came from.
    "Here," says the bartender, handing the man a genie lamp, "rub this."

    So the man rubs the lamp and out comes this genie.

    "What do you wish for?" asks the genie.

    "A million bucks," the man states, quite sure of himself.

    "Granted." And the genie claps his hands and disappeared back into the lamp.

    The man looks around, checks his wallet but can't find a million bucks anywhere. Just that moment, a million ducks fly through the bar. Astounded the man says: "Hey! I didn't ask for a million ducks!"

    "Do you think that I asked for a 12 inch pianist?" replied the bartender.

  9. Ema96
    Cupcake Nov 12, 2014

    Ema96 , Nov 12, 2014 :
    Me T_T
    I'm italian so...
    -Cosa fa un televisore in acqua?
    -Va in onda

  10. Starsplash
    Eclair Nov 12, 2014

    Starsplash , Nov 12, 2014 :
    Oh sorry, I'm not soooo god in joking! Haha ... I'll try my best:
    What pet we know is hopping just on one leg????? ...
    A half chicken!!! :D .. You understand? It's just able to hop. ^^

  11. DaPandas
    Gingerbread Nov 12, 2014

    DaPandas , Nov 12, 2014 :
    A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

    djbenny1 likes this.
  12. zacisawesome2432001
    Gingerbread Nov 12, 2014

    zacisawesome2432001 , Nov 12, 2014 :
    i don't need an invite but anyway

    A wife send her husband a text on a cold winter evening saying: "Windows frozen". The husband sends an answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely f***ed now".

    djbenny1 likes this.
  13. DaPandas
    Gingerbread Nov 12, 2014

  14. DaPandas
    Gingerbread Nov 12, 2014

    DaPandas , Nov 12, 2014 :
    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
    The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

    zacisawesome2432001 and djbenny1 like this.
  15. Deactivated User
    Nov 12, 2014

  16. amitworld
    Eclair Nov 12, 2014

    amitworld , Nov 12, 2014 :
    You may like this one:

    A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

  17. djbenny1
    Gingerbread Nov 12, 2014

    djbenny1 , Nov 12, 2014 :
    You're the winner! Will PM in a sec.

    Honorouable second place to DaPandas and Amitworld - good luck with your invites!

    DaPandas likes this.
  18. Marcanum
    Froyo Nov 12, 2014

  19. louiethach91
    Donut Nov 12, 2014

  20. gianstevens
    Gingerbread Nov 12, 2014

    djbenny1 likes this.