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INVITES TO GIVE OUT

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  1. dmalvarado
    Froyo Aug 26, 2014

    dmalvarado , Aug 26, 2014 :
    "Im not calling you a whore, Im just saying if you went to the sperm bank, your spit would be accepted."
     

    #61
    colinepps, Jacc and SaltedJason like this.
  2. nguyeninc
    Honeycomb Aug 26, 2014

    nguyeninc , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Me me me
     

    #62
  3. j9implosion
    Gingerbread Aug 26, 2014

    j9implosion , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Johnny wakes up one morning and walks into his parents bedroom only to find them going at it. Dad notices Johnny and shoots him a grin and a wink.

    The next day, Dad comes home from work to find Johnny and Grandma going at in the living room. Dad walks in and screams "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

    Johnny looks up at Dad and says, "It's not so funny when it's your mom, huh?"
     

    #63
    dannysingh likes this.
  4. kriss0072k
    Honeycomb Aug 26, 2014

    kriss0072k , Aug 26, 2014 :
    A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling

    Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

    "Can I help you Sir?"

    "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.

    The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

    "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

    About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see.

    He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

    Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without Missing a beat, blurts out....

    "Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!"
     

    #64
  5. X_ItsOver9000_X
    Eclair Aug 26, 2014

    X_ItsOver9000_X , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Why can't miss piggy count to seventy? Because every time she gets to 69 she get a little frog in her throat.
     

    #65
  6. slack2012
    Honeycomb Aug 26, 2014

    slack2012 , Aug 26, 2014 :
    WIFE: "HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE ME?"
    HUSBAND: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
    WIFE: "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"
    HUSBAND: "ADORABLE, BEAUTIFUL, CUTE, DELIGHTFUL, ELEGANT, FASHIONABLE, GORGEOUS, AND HOT."
    WIFE: "AW, THANK YOU, BUT WHAT ABOUT IJK?"
    HUSBAND: "I'M JUST KIDDING!"
     

    #66
    dmalvarado likes this.
  7. raja_gouda
    Cupcake Aug 26, 2014

    raja_gouda , Aug 26, 2014 :
    This one is nice. Sorry, dont have invite to give you, but if I had you would have got it.
     

    #67
    kriss0072k likes this.
  8. brado18
    Gingerbread Aug 26, 2014

    brado18 , Aug 26, 2014 :
    what? so his mother is his father at the same time?
     

    #68
  9. weijian138
    Eclair Aug 26, 2014

    weijian138 , Aug 26, 2014 :
    An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow. I've hired a OPO for the night, and I'd love to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something that'll get me up?"

    The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night."

    Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, "How's it going?"

    "Fabulous," the old man said. "I've come three times already."

    "That's great," the doctor said. "the OPO must be astounded."

    "Not exactly," the old man said. "I have not bought the OPO yet."
     

    #69
  10. Sposcar
    Gingerbread Aug 26, 2014

    Sposcar , Aug 26, 2014 :
    A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

    The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

    "Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."

    The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.

    Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ***, pulls it out and eats it.

    The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

    "Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."

    hehehehehehe.......
     

    #70
    kdavidb likes this.
  11. sunzu
    Ice Cream Sandwich Aug 26, 2014

    sunzu , Aug 26, 2014 :
    a guy comes home with a goat under his arm
    his wife comes up to him
    and the dude says: u see darling it is the cow i **** when you have a headache
    but this is a goat! says the wife
    husband: I was not talking to you!
     

    #71
  12. kishore v
    Donut Aug 26, 2014

    kishore v , Aug 26, 2014 :
    @Flywhiz101:

    Once a Sardarji went to buy a Mercedes. So he was offered a test drive. He drove the vehicle some distance and when the sales man asked if he was happy with the vehicle, sardarji replied: "Oye, not so soon, I only drove it forward, I have'nt driven it backward. Now let me engage the reverse gear and see if the car is equally good running backward. And then I will decide".


     

    #72
  13. dazzup
    Cupcake Aug 26, 2014

    dazzup , Aug 26, 2014 :
    The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
    I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’
     

    #73
  14. hootjenkins
    Gingerbread Aug 26, 2014


    #74
  15. AhmedRasool
    Gingerbread Aug 26, 2014


    #75
  16. kumarj
    Froyo Aug 26, 2014

    kumarj , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Knock Knock
    Who's there
    Theodore
    Theodore who
    Theodore wasn't open, so I knocked.
     

    #76
  17. StephenM
    Cupcake Aug 26, 2014

    StephenM , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Whats the difference between a lambo and 1000 dead babies? i dont have a lambo in my garage.
    Whats the difference between a water melon and a baby? Babies splatter when hit with a baseball bat.
    Whats the difference between the jews and a pizza? a pizza doesnt scream while in the oven.
     

    #77
  18. fares_00
    Eclair Aug 26, 2014

    fares_00 , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 wants to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal se*x. Yesterday, who sucks his d*ick
     

    #78
  19. Wheeliewill
    Donut Aug 26, 2014

    Wheeliewill , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Ops I didn't see you passed on to zroid already. Never mind. :(
     

    #79
  20. StephenM
    Cupcake Aug 26, 2014

    StephenM , Aug 26, 2014 :
    Id love it!
     

    #80