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Need an invite? Tell me a joke!

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  1. BigKahlua
    Honeycomb Aug 11, 2014

    BigKahlua , Aug 11, 2014 :
    Let's try this instead. Share the invite to a stranger of you choosing. And have a good feeling inside knowing that you did something nice for someone.:cool:
     

  2. mrvolumex
    Froyo Aug 11, 2014

  3. johnny4601
    Froyo Aug 11, 2014


  4. Herby07
    Gingerbread Aug 11, 2014


  5. stewa2jm
    Honeycomb Aug 11, 2014

    stewa2jm , Aug 11, 2014 :
    Try getting in the same section of a revolving door with a stranger... it is hilarious!
     

  6. milvus
    Cupcake Aug 11, 2014

    milvus , Aug 11, 2014 :
    Just picked up my old S3 and said ‘Hello google, surely i am going to get a OnePlus One invite soon?’

    Google replied, ‘Probably not… and don’t call me Shirley’

    I forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.
     

  7. buffdaddy66
    Eclair Aug 11, 2014

    buffdaddy66 , Aug 11, 2014 :
    What's the difference between a ***** and a ****? A ***** is warm, soft and loving.. **** is the person who owns it.
     

  8. mschinis
    Gingerbread Aug 11, 2014

    mschinis , Aug 11, 2014 :
    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

    If you like the joke, give the invite to @wils0n because he is very kind and helped me get an invite for my birthday :)
     

  9. Ferharri
    Cupcake Aug 11, 2014

    Ferharri , Aug 11, 2014 :
    Here is one :)
    A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces.

    She responds, "Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces."...
     

  10. Alintia
    Cupcake Aug 11, 2014

    Alintia , Aug 11, 2014 :
    A black man and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving?

    The cop.

    ... I feel terrible
     

  11. Deactivated User
    Aug 11, 2014


  12. BYuksel96
    Honeycomb Aug 11, 2014

    BYuksel96 , Aug 11, 2014 :
    This is by far my favourite joke:
    An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.

    As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing.

    He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

    At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."
    Time stopped.
    The bear froze.
    The forest was silent.
    Even the river stopped moving.


    As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

    The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"

    "Very well," said the voice.
    The light went out.
    The river ran again.
    And the sounds of the forest resumed.
    And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke:


    "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful...AMEN!"

    I don't actually need an invite my self but am trying get my friend one. (Happens to be my gf and well I kinda already said that I gave given all my invites to other people of this forum. she wasn't too happy haha)
     

    lazereagle likes this.
  13. ottope
    Froyo Aug 11, 2014

    ottope , Aug 11, 2014 :
    What ***** and OPO invite has incommon?

    I will never get it!

    I mean cat you perverd!;)
     

  14. ParanoidKlepto
    Froyo Aug 11, 2014


  15. vinter
    Froyo Aug 11, 2014

    vinter , Aug 11, 2014 :
    KNOCK KNOCK!
    Who's there?
    Tux
    Tux Who?
    Tux who's gonna lead the world into an open source revolution.
    All Hail The Tux!
     

  16. sathish03804
    Cupcake Aug 11, 2014

    sathish03804 , Aug 11, 2014 :
    Husband: Its Awkward

    Wife: What is Awkward?

    Husband: That I am drunk but still I find you ugly :)
     

  17. sathish03804
    Cupcake Aug 11, 2014

    sathish03804 , Aug 11, 2014 :
    Wife : I am not talking to you.

    Husband : Okay.

    Wife : Don't you want to know the reason.

    Husband : No, I respect & trust your decision!
     

  18. Zeus369
    Ice Cream Sandwich Aug 11, 2014


  19. richardnutza
    Gingerbread Aug 11, 2014


  20. ¨gbgeka
    Donut Aug 11, 2014