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The UK Family! - List is ready!

  1. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Dec 1, 2016

    JamesGHolt , Dec 1, 2016 :
    Technology is amazing these days, allowing you to do your Christmas shopping on a tablet whilst having a dump. On another note, I'm now banned from Argos.
     

    Martino1plus, SimonRam and dobbin52 like this.
  2. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Dec 4, 2016

    JamesGHolt , Dec 4, 2016 :
    Please be careful during the holiday parties
    I would like to share a personal experience with all of you about drinking and driving.
    As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.
    A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.
    Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before ~ I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.
    I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage!
     

    dobbin52 and SimonRam like this.
  3. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Dec 11, 2016

    JamesGHolt , Dec 11, 2016 :
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
    The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
    I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman
    that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman
    said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
    She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
    Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
    experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.
    You might have gotten disability too.'
     

  4. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Dec 24, 2016

    JamesGHolt , Dec 24, 2016 :
    XMAS SHOPPING DONE I BOUGHT MY GRANDSON AN I- PHONE MY GRANDAUGHTER AN I-POD MY SON AN I-PAD AND just so the wife wouldn't feel left out I bought her an I-RON
     

  5. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Dec 26, 2016


    Martino1plus and dobbin52 like this.
  6. Brownsea2989
    Gingerbread Dec 27, 2016

    Brownsea2989 , Dec 27, 2016 :
    And a Happy Christmas and New Year to you James (and anyone left in the thread!)
     

  7. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Dec 28, 2016

    JamesGHolt , Dec 28, 2016 :
    When it dies it dies. It's a shame to lose that little link to others out there.
     

  8. Brownsea2989
    Gingerbread Dec 30, 2016

    Brownsea2989 , Dec 30, 2016 :
    It is but quite a feat keeping a thread going for 2.5 years! (for which thanks are largely due to you for your efforts over the last 12 months!!). I'm sure that @dobbin52 and @Martino1plus are still lurking!
     

    Martino1plus and JamesGHolt like this.
  9. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Jan 11, 2017


  10. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Jan 12, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Jan 12, 2017 :
    A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

    Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

    As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her – Good looking as well.

    Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

    He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help You today?

    Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘what is the price of this Lovely bracelet?’

    He answers, “Madam – if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to sxxt yourself when I tell you the price!”:)
     

    toastytoast1234 and SimonRam like this.
  11. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Jan 12, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Jan 12, 2017 :
    5 things men should know how to lead a happy life

    1.its important to have a woman who cooks ,cleans up and goes to work.
    2.its important to have a woman who makes you laugh.
    3.its important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't lie to you.
    4.Its important to have a woman who is good in bed and caters for all your needs.
    5.Its very VERY important that these four women never meet each other or you could be in serious shite
     

    theshinybeast and SimonRam like this.
  12. SimonRam
    Lollipop Jan 12, 2017

    SimonRam , Jan 12, 2017 :
    Like it. Belated happy new year to you.
    :)
     

    JamesGHolt likes this.
  13. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Jan 14, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Jan 14, 2017 :
    I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS A KID WE WERE SO POOR, WINTER WAS SO COLD, BUT 9 OF US WOULD HUDDLE AROUND THE FIRE .
    WHEN IT WAS REALLY COLD MY DAD USED TO LIGHT IT!!!!
     

  14. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Jan 18, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Jan 18, 2017 :
    WARNING THIS JOKE IS RUDE

    I was chatting to a girl in a nightclub. She whispered ''Do you fancy coming back to my place tonight I've got a fanny the size of a polo'' I said ''Oh yes please' 'When we got back to her place I pulled down her knickers and GASPED. She said. ''Surprised?''
    I said. ''Totally surprised I thought you meant the MINT not the Hatchback''


    Hope I am not banned for this...
     

  15. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Jan 26, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Jan 26, 2017 :
    To all the men on here
    A mate of mine has 2 ringside tickets for the JOSHUA V KLITSCHKO fight.
    He paid £2500 each but he didn't realise when he bought them that it was on the same day as his wedding.
    If you are interested he is looking for some one to take his place.
    its at 3pm at ST.MARY'S church in Sunbury the brides name is PAULINE she is about 5'ft 4 about 115 lbs she is a good cook and quite a good looking girl.
    She will be the one in the white dress
     

  16. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Jan 30, 2017


  17. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Feb 3, 2017

  18. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Feb 5, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Feb 5, 2017 :
    A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
    The Jumper says "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl..''
     

  19. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Feb 6, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Feb 6, 2017 :
    Mate of mine who ain't the brightest spark went to B&Q and asked for 10 thousand bricks.The salesman said ''What are you building?a house? ''My mate said ''no a bbq!!'' Salesman said ''I'm sure you don't need that many bricks!!'' My mate said ''Yes I do I live on the 12th floor of a tower block!!!''
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2017

  20. JamesGHolt
    Honeycomb Feb 16, 2017

    JamesGHolt , Feb 16, 2017 :
    I saw my mate Charlie this morning; he's only got one arm, bless him.
    I shouted - "Where you off to Charlie?
    He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
    Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,
    "That's gonna be a bit awkward init?"
    "Not really." he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."
     

    toastytoast1234 likes this.